Whew…A Breakthrough

Nobody knows the troubles I’ve seen, Nobody knows my sorrows…Oh wait, but they do…..

Its been awhile since I’ve checked in and posted. Honestly, I was flailing in deep troubled waters. Success does not happen overnight. I’m still not there, however, I’m in wading waters for the time and its much easier to check in and share my experiences without screaming & begging for a Life vest.

For those of you just coming to the party, I started off strong then a big personal blow hit me like a city bus and I was a mess. It only got worse when the I learned the driver didn’t recall hitting me.

So first I was capsized then I was run over metaphorically. But I have finally recovered physically and emotionally. Thank God.

And when I emerged from both blows I came up driven and obsessed. As a woman of many talents and skills I found myself unemployable and without any desire to work for someone else, one of my many ideas stepped forward and after 10 years under my bed and 4 months on the coffee table as I toiled, obsessed, picked at, poked at, walked it out and came back for it, I finally took it to someone that could tell me if what I had was worth pursuing.


So of all my wonderful ideas, the one that stood forward was the educational board game I created. Actually, it was almost transcendent. I was a tool in which Spirit worked through.  I sat on the floor with my colored pencils, a poster board, a notebook and a package of business card stock  and in 20 minutes it was drawn out and a couple hours later I had written out the questions.

Even then as I looked at what I had in front of me, I knew it was going to be big. Next was to try it out on my students. THEY LOVED IT!

Soon after that I slid it under my bed and there it stayed for the next 10 years. I wanted more than anything to get it to market. I went to Small Administration Meetings. I met professionals. I met and bought a book from a Patent Attorney. But the numbers and the process was so intimating and all I heard was horror stories of being duped by big corporations or the attorneys themselves. $15,000 was not in my wheelhouse.

Fast Forward a Decade in slow motion…

And I know I can’t put it off anymore. I prayed for answer and it was time to move forward. I made the necessary connections to meet with the folks that would know if it was a dud or a Holy Cow Pie!

Well it was a Holy Cow Pie. My reflection in his eyes went from a chubby hopeful 40 something year old to dollar signs ($$ $$). He could hardly contain his own enthusiasm. He explained the process, the cost and their 20% for the Life of my idea, which seemed fair to me. Hell, I wouldn’t know what to do, right?

I had a lot to think about. I had to figure out how I was gonna come up with the marketing analysis and the patent search money. Because of the continuing horror stories of Joe’s cousin Jim has a brother in law whose neighbors ex-wife invented ***** and Bleep Bleep Inc etched her out of her own invention and now she had to move back in with him and his new wife because they put all their investments and lifesavings into the prototype.

Hold on, Hold on…

Take a deep breath and lets figure out whats what. Protection is paramount so lets start with the patent. He said they offer a patent search for a discounted price but thats just the search, not the application… I don’t have to be as smart but I need to understand as much as I can about the patent and trademark and copyrighting process as possible.

So I spent two weeks approximately 16 hours a day on at the http://www.uspto.gov site, often wishing I had whiskey barrel to guzzle from and a giant bottle of aspirin when the confusion wasn’t cleared up by the chugging of the whiskey or the next 10 pages to clarify an unfamiliar term.

The more I read the more stressed I became and the less I understood. Well so I thought. Here’s the strange thing about the human mind…It retains far more then we think it does but never when we need to.

I have this ritual of calling my dad. It started when I was sick and going thru it. If I didn’t call him everyday to tell him how I was doing, he’d call me. Not a day went by we didn’t speak. I don’t know if he knows how much I appreciate that. But even in my darkest, especially at my darkest, I’d make jokes about the situation and my condition.

At one point I lost my faith. I stopped believing in God. I cursed Him, I challenged His/Her/Its existence. All I had was my humor and my dad to count on. So I continued our calls and I made it a point to make him laugh at my struggles with self jabs. It was, it is therapeutic. If you can’t laugh at yourself the road to insanity gets that much shorter.

Nice but what has it to do with what you were saying, you might be thinking. Well, I would as I have been call my dad and tell him what a pain it was to research this patenting, trademarking and copyright stuff… How it didn’t make any sense and I would breakdown what it was that I said I didn’t understand but I knew it inspite of my own perception.

By George, I think the Girl has got it!

It was seeping in. My brain was expanding and I knew more than I thought I ever could. I was doing it with everything. Not just the patent, trademarks and copyrighting. I was researching and gorging my brain cells on anything and everything that had to do with my  game in even the remotest of ways.

I learned about magnets. I learned about the history and functions of 3D Printers, a bit about printing capabilities (and incapabilities). I learned about stickers and die cutting, I learned (or learning ) about obtaining endorsements and accreditations. I even learned that the American Academy of Pediatrics is a paranoid bunch that doesn’t govern themselves, in the arena of magnet safety to children. They make a federal case of an amendment to put a Federal ban on magnets in children’s toys but tell you when you call them for specifics to ask your local peditrician on whats safe.

Thats three hours of my life I’d like back, please. That was the most useless of all I have learned and researched.  I learned about marketing analysis, taking your Invention public as a away of claiming ownership for some, not all works of Intellectual Property. Intellectual Property is your creation, your invention. And I learned about the new laws in Patenting that is worth examining.

Conclusion here but To be Continued later…

Perhaps my next post will be on making small of the Patent, Trademark, Copyrighting and  big on Confidentiality and Non-Disclosure Agreements in a way that is more pleasantly digestible to the Human Mind. No, I don’t think patent lawyers are of the same species.

I had to put my decoder ring on from 1950 something. Let’s see if I can make it any easier and more interesting. No one enjoys watching paint dry.

Until next we meet Have a string of Happy Face Days!









She stepped in deep do do, she said with a sense of humor & deseparation too….

Universal Laws suck when you have negative emotions creep up on you &  take over your mind like a rapist takes over your body. You are helpless in that moment and then the aftermath makes you feel just as bad, just as defeated. You try not to give it any thought or power but its there, the image the thoughts, the emotions rise up and fill your air {your mind} like thick smoke.

I was doing so well. I had learned that to hold a single negative emotional thought for 17 seconds without interuption lights a match, 17 more seconds adds gas to it and 68 seconds gives it enough power to start an unwanted fire of bad to ugly… That nasty negative emotion now lives and breathes and moves on its own. The only way to stop it from spreading is to alter your emotional process. It won’t stop that match from burning but it can keep the box from a perpetual shit-fire of negative emotions from lighting up your whole life and burning everything you love to the ground.

So we have a mind rapist and a firestarter. the punchline?  Your Life, and which direction is it going to take if you dont stop these negative emotions from encroaching in your head  and ruling over you.

Here’s the thing we can’t be positive PollyAnna all the time. That would make us roboty or Stepford in Nature. Stepford as in the Stepford Wife’s.  It was a t.v. movie back in the day. All the wifes were under some mind control and very even; no ups no downs, and did as their hubby’s asked. Or so I understand. I was too young to see it. Kids had a bedtime back then. That is what I got from hearing it through the wall and made up excuses to the bathroom to get an image of what my ears were hearing.

Anyhow, No one can be positive all the time. We are all prone to give into emotions and depending on our outlook and inner normal state of emotional balance or imbalance really decides how far a tantrum or emotional fit will spread or stop.  So in my very conscious effort, maybe too conscious, I forgot that yesterday and the poop that was flying wasn’t new or fresh. It was shit already in progress.

I use the term shit because I have been in a situation and location in which feces, which sounds worse to me the the word shit, is an issue where I live. For one I am living down wind from farms and Ranches and the air is pungent with Horse shit, Cow shit, Llama shit, chicken, Emu & Ostrish shit. We have neighbors that don’t like to pick up after their dogs shit and dogs who shit on our front lawn and their people don’t pick up after them. Mind you,I live in a climate where the weather is extrememly hot or extremely cold and heavy winds.

Oh but the shit doesn’t end there because we have a relative with mental impairment and he has no bowel control, so now our mini mansion smells like a giant outhouse. So I spend a portion of my day scooping poop and washing it out, ligfting it out of the carpet and treating the stains. If he happens to make it to the bathroom on time, I get to spend time finding never to be used again tools you fish out the over the top toilet paper used.

So after a poop plopping afternoon and toilet plunging evening I sit down to my tablet to get some reading done and the cat comes and sits on my tablet & keyboard… I push him off and he has left a discolored watery substance on my keyboard and screen. Are you F*&$ing kidding me? Damn it!  SHIT!!!! Off the the desk and onto my bed he hops.   I wash my hands clean off my tablet, keyboard and desk with bleach and strip my bed down, throwing the cat out and cursing the whole time. Shower for the 3rd time.  I tried to turn it around but I woke up Sunday morning in a piss poor mood and trip to the trash bin lead to another shower and a complete change of clothes.

I beat myself up about letting myself get so upset over this Shitty situation that has been dumped on me. And that was the whole manifestation of it all…. This situation was dumped in my lap with no legal recourse and the more I tired I grew from it the more I had to deal with it. I asked if his parent would distract him one day so I could go shopping as he wanted to go with me but I no more wanted others to have to shop for their groceries while smelling his aftermath than I wanted that smell permeated in my leather seats. Son of a bitch if his parent said Just take him!..

I didn’t see the response til I snuck out and was at the store without company. It’s a good thing, I may have killed him otherwise. YOU DON’T TAKE HIM ANYWHERE and you expect me too?!!!

We have tried to be understanding, calm, reasonable, leanant, kind in hopes of the same. He has been told by many he needs to do something, the boy needs help. Nope, he won’t do a thing.  Okay, I’ll do it but stand by me and up for me when I do. No, just wait till his parent returns from his travels & Life of whimzy. What’s that? No I can’t deal with it, I’m taking off again. I’m going to church now to tell everyone how sick my son is and how hard I have it, while in reality I got it made.

This is where my talents are going to…bitchy and writing about CRAP no one wants to hear or read or think about.  It is hard to stay in a positive state of mind when shit follows you wherever you go and more piles on. I have been trying to see my money grow, my health improve and a home of my own. I joke that when I move I’m not telling anyone where I live, if they want to see me they will have to meet me at McDonalds. Which MickeyD’s? I don’t know go to one and if I see you there great, we’ll catch up. if not, sorry you missed me.  It’s no joke though.

If you are going to dump your resposibilities on me you need to give me the rights that go with it.  How I manage to not come completely undone and flush his own head in his own toilet is a miracle he should be more thankfor for.

The problem I face is how do you forgive someone when they are still assulting you? How do you let the anger and negative feelings from tying you up and having their way with you? How do you stop the fire from burning when they keep throwing matches at you?

I am bright, creative, funny, a good conversationalist, good writer. I created some pretty awesome things that would be helpful and uplifting to others but all that sometimes feels a Lifetime ago. See, I am also efficent… If it were mine to take care of It would be taken care of and I would be free to do Me and the things I was meant for. If it were my home, I’d be writing about other things as this would not be an issue.

The challenge is to get my mind to a place that I can create a space for that to be my reality. My health has recovered nicely and damn near overnight. Now if I could get the rest of my Life to fall in line. The idea is to Let Go & Let God or the Universe do it’s thing and if an emotional mastifestion of truth must comeout, don’t hate on yourself for it. Let it out and get back to lingering in your Happy space.

Be Bright

Thank you for love light energy.. i do feel it

Be bright, breathe in positive light.  Cast any doubt of your worthiness out and allow the light of positivity to guide you.  Your potential is what you plan to do with it.  A mostly untapped bounty of possibilities.  As one you are remarkable, as a community we are united, as a world of combined strength we could be unstoppable.  Bleed the beauty of genuine kindness, send sunshine!  For today and tomorrow and every day we have been blessed.

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Moving right along….

Where I’m moving along to remains to be seen but I’m moving on my ideas… Can’t say its a business just yet. When the money starts trickling then flowing we’ll call it a business. Right now I am happy that I have found a home at WordPress.com where I can reach out to folks & let them know they matter & they are not alone.

So far I have created two new pages on my Facebook account. I didnt know you could do that. I was wondering how I was going to manage 2 more accounts. I am spread out quite a bit , more than some professionals think is necessary.

I think so long as I can manage them I am okay. I have noticed a change in my own sense of hope since I revamped my WorkItOutLifeServices.WordPress.com site. I tried in my technological challenged mind to dot com my site but I did it from the wrong place.. Word Press was very nice about it refunding me. I will be making a better attempt at it when I have someone else that knows what I’m trying to accomplish at my side to guide me.

Anyways I am working to launch some workshops & get those books to print. I have found an amazing artist to lend me, sort of speak, the artwork for the cover of my books. She will be paid. Its a licensi g thing. I have already chosen the art piece for Accepting the Love You Deserve workbook. And will likely be comissioning the art for 12 Daily Choices for My Personal Freedom workbook & posters.

Soon I will be starting either a Kickstarter campaign or an Art Fueled Living campaign. Either way, I am going to keep going to make a difference. This is just the start. 😉 I will keep you posted & hope that I can count your support in any amount to launch the books, posters & workshops.

Oh the game I create. I havent forgotten it. Its there & we will be getting to it soon. First the bills then the time takers. Getting a game board out there does take time. All in good time. I look forwatd to your support & follow along on that journey as well.

Much Love & have a Rockin’ Great Weekend!

I did it!

I got my website up. I launched workitoutlifeservices.com and it feels incredible!  Work It Out Life Services is my baby. She’s been with me since way back when I was doing Massage Therapy. It was a name I knew I could use doing so many other great things.

I have dreamt of this website for a long long time. But the time it wasnt up doesnt matter cause it is up now. Thank you Robin Williams & C for helping me.

It didnt get up & running where I expected it too. I had some technical difficulties but I dont care. Its mine now, its up & running to help people and beyond that I’ll make it work. 

For those of you that have been following the Struggling Genius this is my biggest breakthrough. I have my game coming in time but if I die in my sleep & my cousin keeps the site going I will die satisfied I did that much to save the next 24 old from meeting my niece’s fate.

But I dont think God will do that. I think He has plans for me. 🙂

Oh no, please don’t disappear!

I didnt give up I just moved corners. And since I only have a handful of readers, I was going let you know where you can find me without blasting to those that mean me harm.

Continue reading


So I said I wasn’t going to get excited…but I am starting to feel jazzed. By happenstance,  I found someone to help me get one or more of my ideas off the ground with backers.

Awaiting scheduling for first meeting. I feel excited enough to tell someone but too early to share it with family.


      This is how I feel today!

They always seem to wanna ground me, reminding me things rarely if ever work out for me. Well meaning as they are trying to be, I would rather share here.

Not time to put up the party streamers yet but the disco lights can stay up. I will keep you posted.

Loving all the support. 🙂 Thank you Struggling Genius fans. You’re the best!

Somewhere is better than nowhere

Up early to greet the day, rummaging through boxes & searching for what isnt here. But I know that now, just  have to get to it all before its ruined & salvageable.  I’m affraid to even go to my dad’s for my things with the rain we had. I have lost so many of my designs for same reason. I had them in storage but had to move it back.

The computer is acting up & wouldnt recognize my flash drive so second stall but I tried. I wasnt going to push myself that hard today. I was up most the night & up what seemed like moments after going to sleep & wqs awke again.

My day didnt amount to much… I did write my first food blog. Well everyone else seems to be doing it. I thought I might see if I’m any good at it…

Chief Running Things didnt return. I knew he wouldn’t.  And one day already without my blog was missed. I missed it… I felt incomplete & innerwardly defeated. I didnt get to write how I was attacked for doing the right thing & viciously referred to as a hero.

Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment and I have to take along my nephew. I dont know how thats going to work out or if I’ll even make it.

But I feel a brokenness in my family & in my heart. I am sad & very tired goodnighnight.  Thank you for reading.

Telling the Truth has its pitfalls

Have I already spoke on this, I dont remember, but its true. Sometimes writers write about things no one wants told. Sometimes we write things other people feel is their place to out you. This is my case & why my most needed blog had to be put to sleep.

I hate that I had to do it but it was necessary in my current situation. I really don’t understand why someone else had to make my story known where it was not told.

People are so vindictive & hurtful. They have no idea the trouble they caused me by doing so or maybe they do & thats why they did it.

This was my story, my struggle, my way of dealing with the pressures and instead of seeing that, they ran & twisted it to sound like I was telling the other person’s story, that I blasted their name everywhere.

My name isnt even publicized; to do so would link me to them. But in sharing thru a certain media made this person think it was public domain to put me in the line of fire while they stood back in a dark corner & lit the match.

With what was left of my Life is up in flames because they were familar enough to know who I & my characters are.

To my supportive Readers of that blog, my apologies for shutting it down. It makes me sick to have to do it & even sicker that someone felt the need to hurt me like that.

Thank you to you who felt your Life so unfilled you had to screw with mine.


And next time put my moccasins on first before you do me ugly. 

Opportunity Wasted or Sensory Overload?

Last night I was on the computer researching Kickstarter.com: read every page, every word. It gave me nothing more to think about, all I had to do now was go to sleep and allow a plan to form.

Before my eyes were closed I knew which project to start with. It made perfect sense for once. I knew I wouldn’t get straight to work with it in the morning. My morning was to be a doctor’s appointment & leisure time in a cool mindless place, the Mall (so my mind could open up to the next step). Can’t get anymore mindless than the Mall, can ya? Knowing I’d be safe from spending anything as I’m broke as a $2 Hooker, my aunt Suzy would say. Just  free romp time for my brain to chill out.

But what actually happened was I missed the doctor’s appointment as result of an inconsiderate act and I let it steal my day. Instead of using the time to work on my project, my head was stuck in what I couldn’t get done. This is not a character trait I am fond of having or admitting and it wasn’t always the case with me. This is a recent thing. It may have been a character flaw I had back in my teens & twenties but I’m well past that now.

Or so I thought I was. I think its from several months of being rudely interrupted when I am involved in something and having someone else’s responsibilities handed off to me like a kid with a super poopy diaper. So when my day was AGAIN hijacked, my mind stalled as opposed to changing gears and getting something done for my project.

I know. I know I shouldnt be so hard on myself but that’s my conditioning… If I’m not hard on me to succeed my family will be. I’m the tamer & kinder one of the two choices. They’ve gotten better & understand I’ve been sick but I sense they expect this downtime should be used wisely.

They dont have to be hard on me anymore. I have the Instruction Mannual on that now: Switch gears when things change up, use downtime to mediate or research & produce. I know producing is the opposite of downtime but I’ve always been a bit ass backwards about things.

So I got no work done for my project & I would have been okay with that had I made anything of my day, after all I have to rebuild Rome if not today, very very soon. I’ve had so many plans disrupted so often that my bootstrap genes are breaking down ( with the rest of me). Its not like I didnt get anything done.
I read email courses, posted a blog elsewhere, chatted with my sister, reached out to a friend but nothing on my project & I cant get my head around it to even approach it. 

Still this is not acceptable, I gotta pull it together & readjust as things change, cause they’re going to for a little while more.


I must try to remember this.  Maybe thats my fear… That it’s not meant to be. Its only taken me 11 years to get as far as I have. Faith without works is?  Then what is works without Faith?

What keeps you from that thing that is brewing inside of You?
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