How far down does that cliff go?

I dont wanna jump off the cliff to my death ( not today anyway)… I’ll take a parachute or handglide… I just need a place & some time to let my hair down & relax enough to hear the answers from God or my Spirit Guides. God might be busy dealing with Gaza & Other World tragedies at the moment. That’s alright the Guides & Angels will do just fine.

Provide I can sit down or a take a walk to hear them. You know us Creative types get our best results when at play or engulfed in our arts..

But me, I’m having challenges even getting away to do that.  My plans for today got thrown in the waste dumpster when I got babysitting duty.

My day was looking like this…


Now it looks like this….


Master plan: House to self, coean before the triple digit heat bakes me like a bundt cake, watch a  rented movie ( like I can afford it but I needed inspirement, so I got Heaven is for Real. I don’t know about anyone else I liked it, pay a bill or at least a partial, pick up a new friend I met at the library ( same section of books so I know where her mind & beliefs are..shouldnt make for too much conflict) and take in the free air conditioning at the Mall, batt around forward positive thinking strategies, laugh like school girls and be struck with Holy Guacamole solutions to my problems that actually work.

Stop throwing monkey wrenchs, will ya?   

A baby, I can just pack up throw under my arm like a Gucci bag & go. No arguments. .. a teenager might be happy to go to the Mall. No I am left with the No, I dont want to go, I’m alright” kid.

He was supposed to go on a day trip but got himself out of that by sleep faking & an impatient driver. So now here we two sit & I am mearing the end of my rope.

I wanna scream but nothing comes out. I want to cry but my tears are no answer to the drought here in the California dustbowl. It just muddies your flip flops.

I dont mean to sound as though I dont like or Love my nephew. I do. I love him very much. But my breaks dont come when they work best for me and I’m tired of my plans being rudely interrupted because Chief Running Things thinks his time & needs trump everyone else’s.

Do I sound resentful?

I feel resentful, which only increases the resentment. And it runs deep. 200,000 leagues under the sea deep. This isnt me…

Everytime I try to give Chief Running Things the benefit of the doubt or give him credit for the places & times he does step up, he Texas two steps backwards. A rage is building up inside me that I know is not healthy. That rage could send the Chief back to the streets & all that that brings. So the golf ball in my throat stays lodged &  cold sweat chills my skin in the cross fires of a heatwave and my stomache toils & churns like a witches Calderon.

A lack of influence is just as bad as a poor influence. This child was so bright & beautiful  and had his parents loved him for his sake instead of their sick egos & sicknesses, he’d be normal functioning thriving success story. But they couldn’t do that for him. and the damage is done & very likely permanent and now
I have a kid (whose not a kid anymore) that doesnt even know how to turn the t.v. on or off and destroys the kitchen every 20 minutes 24/7.

If I knew what to do

If I knew how to effectively help Dandilion, it would be worth it. But with no answers for him, I dont know when I’ll ever get to mine. Somethi g his parents should be doing for him but each having their heads up the butts of their own issues has left this kid to figure it all out on his own. We can’t do it with sound minds ( or are they) how is Dandilion to figure it out in his mental state of mush brain? 

I cant leave it to someone else… When everyone else has said, Not my problem.  I get the sentiment but not the action or inaction. 

He is my dandilion. I am his Auntie Bambi. When he was a baby his mom would put his ear to the phone so I could talk to him… I would say Its me baby, and he pick up Bambi.

I wasn’t always there for him…. A few years ago I had to walk away for a minite ( 2 years ) when he was playing headgames. But that blew up in his faced like a delayed airbag explosion.

He was playing mental and he manifested circumstances to bring him to that exact reality.
He was taught things like that to survive his environment. Now it is a true fact of his Life.


To be continued.


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