She stepped in deep do do, she said with a sense of humor & deseparation too….

Universal Laws suck when you have negative emotions creep up on you &  take over your mind like a rapist takes over your body. You are helpless in that moment and then the aftermath makes you feel just as bad, just as defeated. You try not to give it any thought or power but its there, the image the thoughts, the emotions rise up and fill your air {your mind} like thick smoke.

I was doing so well. I had learned that to hold a single negative emotional thought for 17 seconds without interuption lights a match, 17 more seconds adds gas to it and 68 seconds gives it enough power to start an unwanted fire of bad to ugly… That nasty negative emotion now lives and breathes and moves on its own. The only way to stop it from spreading is to alter your emotional process. It won’t stop that match from burning but it can keep the box from a perpetual shit-fire of negative emotions from lighting up your whole life and burning everything you love to the ground.

So we have a mind rapist and a firestarter. the punchline?  Your Life, and which direction is it going to take if you dont stop these negative emotions from encroaching in your head  and ruling over you.

Here’s the thing we can’t be positive PollyAnna all the time. That would make us roboty or Stepford in Nature. Stepford as in the Stepford Wife’s.  It was a t.v. movie back in the day. All the wifes were under some mind control and very even; no ups no downs, and did as their hubby’s asked. Or so I understand. I was too young to see it. Kids had a bedtime back then. That is what I got from hearing it through the wall and made up excuses to the bathroom to get an image of what my ears were hearing.

Anyhow, No one can be positive all the time. We are all prone to give into emotions and depending on our outlook and inner normal state of emotional balance or imbalance really decides how far a tantrum or emotional fit will spread or stop.  So in my very conscious effort, maybe too conscious, I forgot that yesterday and the poop that was flying wasn’t new or fresh. It was shit already in progress.

I use the term shit because I have been in a situation and location in which feces, which sounds worse to me the the word shit, is an issue where I live. For one I am living down wind from farms and Ranches and the air is pungent with Horse shit, Cow shit, Llama shit, chicken, Emu & Ostrish shit. We have neighbors that don’t like to pick up after their dogs shit and dogs who shit on our front lawn and their people don’t pick up after them. Mind you,I live in a climate where the weather is extrememly hot or extremely cold and heavy winds.

Oh but the shit doesn’t end there because we have a relative with mental impairment and he has no bowel control, so now our mini mansion smells like a giant outhouse. So I spend a portion of my day scooping poop and washing it out, ligfting it out of the carpet and treating the stains. If he happens to make it to the bathroom on time, I get to spend time finding never to be used again tools you fish out the over the top toilet paper used.

So after a poop plopping afternoon and toilet plunging evening I sit down to my tablet to get some reading done and the cat comes and sits on my tablet & keyboard… I push him off and he has left a discolored watery substance on my keyboard and screen. Are you F*&$ing kidding me? Damn it!  SHIT!!!! Off the the desk and onto my bed he hops.   I wash my hands clean off my tablet, keyboard and desk with bleach and strip my bed down, throwing the cat out and cursing the whole time. Shower for the 3rd time.  I tried to turn it around but I woke up Sunday morning in a piss poor mood and trip to the trash bin lead to another shower and a complete change of clothes.

I beat myself up about letting myself get so upset over this Shitty situation that has been dumped on me. And that was the whole manifestation of it all…. This situation was dumped in my lap with no legal recourse and the more I tired I grew from it the more I had to deal with it. I asked if his parent would distract him one day so I could go shopping as he wanted to go with me but I no more wanted others to have to shop for their groceries while smelling his aftermath than I wanted that smell permeated in my leather seats. Son of a bitch if his parent said Just take him!..

I didn’t see the response til I snuck out and was at the store without company. It’s a good thing, I may have killed him otherwise. YOU DON’T TAKE HIM ANYWHERE and you expect me too?!!!

We have tried to be understanding, calm, reasonable, leanant, kind in hopes of the same. He has been told by many he needs to do something, the boy needs help. Nope, he won’t do a thing.  Okay, I’ll do it but stand by me and up for me when I do. No, just wait till his parent returns from his travels & Life of whimzy. What’s that? No I can’t deal with it, I’m taking off again. I’m going to church now to tell everyone how sick my son is and how hard I have it, while in reality I got it made.

This is where my talents are going to…bitchy and writing about CRAP no one wants to hear or read or think about.  It is hard to stay in a positive state of mind when shit follows you wherever you go and more piles on. I have been trying to see my money grow, my health improve and a home of my own. I joke that when I move I’m not telling anyone where I live, if they want to see me they will have to meet me at McDonalds. Which MickeyD’s? I don’t know go to one and if I see you there great, we’ll catch up. if not, sorry you missed me.  It’s no joke though.

If you are going to dump your resposibilities on me you need to give me the rights that go with it.  How I manage to not come completely undone and flush his own head in his own toilet is a miracle he should be more thankfor for.

The problem I face is how do you forgive someone when they are still assulting you? How do you let the anger and negative feelings from tying you up and having their way with you? How do you stop the fire from burning when they keep throwing matches at you?

I am bright, creative, funny, a good conversationalist, good writer. I created some pretty awesome things that would be helpful and uplifting to others but all that sometimes feels a Lifetime ago. See, I am also efficent… If it were mine to take care of It would be taken care of and I would be free to do Me and the things I was meant for. If it were my home, I’d be writing about other things as this would not be an issue.

The challenge is to get my mind to a place that I can create a space for that to be my reality. My health has recovered nicely and damn near overnight. Now if I could get the rest of my Life to fall in line. The idea is to Let Go & Let God or the Universe do it’s thing and if an emotional mastifestion of truth must comeout, don’t hate on yourself for it. Let it out and get back to lingering in your Happy space.


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